A Day in the Life of The Chatty Housewife

 

I think it's time to explain why I chose this image for my blog. For those who were present when the event occurred, I hope it won't bore you if I re-visit it.

The story starts about a month ago on Lord's day. I had decided to serve B.L.T sandwiches for the potluck supper at the meeting room that evening. Earlier that morning, I had carefully packed all the needed items and had The Mr. put them in the car for me. Everything was going better than it normally did, so I felt that it was going to be a smooth day.
The day moved on and then it was time to start supper preparations. I pulled the large bag of vine ripened B.C. tomatoes out of the fridge and started slicing them thin, placing them in a bowl beside me. A certain little friend who happens to be quite a favorite of mine was sitting up in the middle of the island counter top helping me eat the leftover ends of the tomatoes- we couldn't let them go to waste after all! (They were the most beautiful tomatoes I had ever bought.) I then remembered that B.L.T.s contained more than tomatoes, so I found the bacon and laid the strips into an electric skillet, placing the lid on top. I grabbed the lettuce and put it near the sink. Then I heard a CRASH. I spun around and saw my entire bowl of sliced tomatoes strewn about across the --not so clean-- kitchen floor. What was I to do? I picked up most of the tomatoes and washed the floor they had fallen on. I then washed the tomatoes thoroughly in a colander and soon what had looked like a sloppy mess, looked again like bright red shiny clean tomatoes. I asked a few of the ladies who were present for the catastrophe and they all agreed it would be fine to use the tomatoes.

I remembered the lettuce by the sink, washed it and ripped it into sandwich size pieces, setting it beside the tomatoes. Two out of the five ingredients for my sandwiches were complete. Next was the bread and that was simple. I placed the first slices to be toasted onto a baking pan, turned the oven to broil and threw in the pan. As I was waiting for the bread to toast, I washed dishes, cleaned up more of the tomato mess and started "chatting" with one of the ladies. Then from right beside me I heard the oven opened and a friend exclaiming "UM??!!??" I looked over and that was when I smelled the smoke. Flames were leaping off my toast, curling out the door and up over the top of the oven. Great. I grabbed the pan and thankfully most of the fire went out right away. The problem was that thick heavy smoke was still wafting off the ashes of what was supposed to be the toast for my B.L.T.s. I didn't want to be at fault for the cost of a kitchen remodel if the foaming kitchen fire system went off, so I held the pan up to the wide open window high above the kitchen sink and stood there balancing it on the window's rim. Crash!!! (That's the sound the pan made when I dropped it out the window.) What's that you say? I threw the pan out the window? Well I am telling you the same thing I told the others - I did not throw it! It fell! I calmly went out the door and around the side of the building to rescue the remains of my cremated B.L.T. bread. Well, the pan lived without a dent or a scratch, but sadly the bread was wasted.

I loaded up two more pans of bread, watched them like a hawk and they turned out lovely. I started building the sandwiches while going over the ingredients in my head. Toast... check. Mayonnaise... check. Lettuce... check. Tomatoes... check. Bacon... AHHHHH! I ran over to the counter which held the electric skillet and yanked off the lid to see... beautifully-browned, crispy bacon. It was cooked (well, not reduced to mere ashes) but it had shrunk down and instead of being strips of bacon, it was a bacon pancake. It was literally one huge piece of bacon. Not a problem! It was actually kind of handy to just break off a piece for each sandwich instead of placing the strips on piece by piece. At this point, if anyone is still reading this story, which turned out quite a bit lengthier than I had originally intended, you should try and focus your eyes on something else in the room and wait until the shape of the computer screen that's burned to your retinas disappears.

You now know why this image is so fitting. If Chatty Housewives are not careful, they burn dinner!

Lessons:
Slow and steady wins the race.
Preparations done ahead of time save time and money.
Spending too much time reading online burns retinas.
 

**For all those who were witnesses, this story is dedicated to you.**